My Daughters on the Lake
A Poem of Love and Grief
Sometimes, I walk down to the water’s edge and there you are! My two daughters, coming across the water to me. You are moving, I think, and joy springs into my heart. Until, that is, you pass by, almost through me as if one of us were a ghost. As you disappear, intent on some other destination, my father’s heart cries out and I weep endless tears that fall into the lake. This is the agonizing legacy of my actions, long ago, designed to save my soul but which you didn’t understand. * It has been this way for years. This experience, not unlike the dreams where your mother comes back, ends always in this agony that has become the legacy of my life. For there has never been a love as the one I have for you. It is full. It is constant. It is eternal. This father’s love will not end. This father’s tears will not end. This father’s joy at seeing your smiling faces will never end. Grief is the shared experience we never shared. Grief binds our hearts; it is the abyss we fear and see in each other’s eyes. Perhaps that is why it’s easier to come across the water like ghosts—by seeing through we stay out of each other’s abyss. And yet, I am not out of that abyss. I love you and I miss you and I grieve the loss of your presence and love. I want so much to welcome you as you come across that water. I want so much to embrace you, hold you, comfort you, be with you as only your father can; I get so excited, and then… you vanish. As you must. As you should. But, my empty arms… They take hugfuls of nothing-- and my heart drops out of my chest and becomes the water. I dissolve as I fall dreaming of you, praying for you, singing to you as if to call out the beautiful, healed you I know that you will be. Whether I see you or not; whether I hold you or not, whether we laugh together or not; that prayer shines like a beacon on that water. I hold it there for you in case you need it, and I will hold it there forever. For this is the light of your soul that was given to my keeping. This is the light of your spirit I was asked to hold. This is the light of your being, the one you touch and the one you always return to. No matter what has happened. No matter what you thought. No matter the conflict, problems, or twisted sticks of life, I stand here holding this lamp for each of you. I will hold it forever, as well as I can, as only a father’s love can endure. Please know and believe… Your father loves you. Your father loves you. You father… loves… you.
Anthony Signorelli
Beautiful!